And that’s not a bad thing. It’s just a thing. That’s not a relegation to an unfulfilled life. It’s not the swan song of a sad and pathetic old maid. It’s not the determination to live in eternal unhappiness. Rather it’s a shift in my personal thinking. It’s a belief that my pot of gold may be just for me. It’s an attitude of making my life something I love on my own instead of waiting for someone else to complete it. It’s me spitting on Mr. Jerry Maguire because I don’t believe I need him to complete me anymore. Maybe I’m meant to complete myself. And maybe that’s okay too. Conventional wisdom is still otherwise. Everytime I catch up with old friends invariably they want to know if I’m seeing someone. If I say yes, they see me as happier. If I say no, they assure me I will still meet the one. It’s not too late, poor little single Jane. Right now, for all of those misguided souls, I’m staging a revolt. Whether or not I’m seeing someone does not define my ability to be happy. Getting married or having children does not equal the successful completion of life goals. There is not only one ending to this fairytale. I can be complete and yes Virginia, even happy, with or without a man. I am redefining happily ever after. Starting now.

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He knew I couldn’t answer. We stood there together in silence and he told me it was ok that I couldn’t respond. That he understood. And then he told me all about the risk he was taking here and now for me. All I could do was cry. He let me do that too. How ironic. I gave up on him because we lacked that intangible passion and fire between us. And now, now that I’ve made other choices, other plans, and looked towards another life… now he gives me more fire, more passion, and more unconditional love than I’ve ever really known. I am humbled by it, and by him. But the ending is still waiting to be written.

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“I think I already know how this will end.” he told me. I wondered how he possibly could, seeing as I have no earthly idea myself. But his eyes were sad when he said it and I knew what he thought. Still he went on to explain that he would take the risk anyway. That he was jumping in with both feet. That he was giving it his all. Even as he thought he was going to lose this battle. We talked about our passion in life. I admitted I hadn’t really considered passions until a friend asked me once. She asked me what I was passionate about. I didn’t know the answer. And so I told him maybe the missing passion with us was because I don’t have any. Maybe I’m too cold and dead inside. He just looked at me.

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I’m going to start by being honest with you here. When I heard the term “Love and Relationship Coach”, I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I mean seriously, there are coaches for everything right? And people have survived and coupled up for ages without this kind of targeted help. But, as you know, recently I’ve found myself in quite the situation. And I do happen to be friends with some of these folks out on the great wide internets. So when Love Coach Rinatta offered to help me out a bit, I suspended my disbelief for just long enough to agree. I figured it certainly couldn’t mess things up anymore, and at the very least may amuse you, my gentle readers. Many of you are single and out in the big bad dating world. So I encourage you to read about this (and laugh at me).

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And he told me about the passion in his life. He told me how it used to be just one thing but lately it was two. He told me about the passion he has for his job. About what it means to him and how it motivates him to get up in the morning. I smiled as I knew this about him. And then he told me about his second passion in life. His newly added motivation for everything he does. He said the other passion in his life is loving me. I just stared at him, all mute and dumb. Loving me. Me who hurt him. Me who left him. Me who did everything he was always afraid of. Me. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t answer. What could I possibly have ever done to deserve such big love? What could I possibly ever do to be allowed to have that? How can I ever live up to all of that passion?

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